Several weeks ago, I was in a meditation center in Padstow (which was built by a rich couple who are close to my family – they love practicing meditation). It was 9:00 pm and we had a late dinner together after finishing a meditating course. There were more than 30 people gathering in a big room with many dishes placed at the center of it (because the owners are rich, they willingly “sponsored foods” to all participants). In that meal, we all had to serve by ourselves – brought our plates and bowls and glasses to the center of the room, took the foods and back to our seats, enjoy.
I was about to finish my yummy dish when I suddenly heard a voice from a woman sitting next to me:
“Why do you let your mom take foods for you? Why don’t you do it for her? What a son!”
Her voice wasn’t mild and I thought that statements is considerably logical, especially when I wasn’t clear of the story. It turned out that: my brother – in – law (who was sitting next to the woman) was the subject of her complaint. He did let his mom to take the food for two of them. I looked at him, saw his smile and listened to his reply:
“I know, aunt, but my mom wanted to do that. Just let mom do what her wants”
I was then back to my meal and felt: What a son! What a statement! Beautifully beautiful!
A similar situation came to me 3 or 4 years ago. One day, my computer case was broken, so mom rode me and the case to the computer shop to repair. She commanded me to let her ride and let her bring the case upstair. When everything was done and we went to the parking lot to get the motobike, I heard two guardians were talking:
“What a daughter! Twenties and still let mom ride, still let her bring the case!”
Although there was some more people around, I was sure that “girl” is this girl. I was upset, and sad, and dissapointed, and so on. They are just not my mom’s daughter or son, they obviously don’t know that my mom commanded me and she just loves to do everything by herself like that. I wanted to agured back but I didn’t. However, along with the time, I realize only one reason that can comfort me on that problem:
They don’t know. They simply don’t know so that’s how they reacted. That’s it! Why do I have to make a fuss of what others don’t know?
Along with the time, I realized that similar to the love for pleasure, some people simply love something unpleasant. Some people love being busy and being used by others. Some people feel happy of working the whole day and then the whole night. Others even love being abused by their loved one. To the rest of the world, this may sound ridiculous, but to them, this is normal as we love sweet candies and they prefer the bitter ones. Human beings are all different – that’s how the nature functions and that’s it.
Back to my mom – and my brother-in-law’s story, I realize that there are numerous ways to make someone happy in which “letting them do what they want” is an obvious one. We don’t have to do something so big the please them – just let them love us by their ways. Ridiculously simple. Perhaps those behaviors can be percieved as suffering or painful to others, they may do that with all their loves without any effort. They do it for their sons, their daughters, their sweeties and if we obstruct them from doing those, that’s when they feel suffered.
I actually don’t know how to say more on this topic since it’s clear as it is, as the sun is up on the sky and moms are who give birth to us. If we love to do something, that doesn’t mean others have to love the same thing with us. If we don’t like something, that doesn’t mean we can judge somebody who embrace that as a treasure.
Of course, if mom asks to be beaten by me… well, I know it’s highly unlikely :)), but if so, I will say no absolutely. What I mean is, if she just want to cook for me, serve me (sometime), do somthing that I can do that for sure, I will let her do no matter what age she is. She can consider those as physiscal exercises and be healthier at the same time.
Loving somebody means letting them choose what they want for their life (and only interfere when it’s toxic or so on : ))), doesn’t mean choosing the thing we want and give it to them.
In the end, I didn’t mean to tell anybody how to love their loved ones, since their hearts can do that all the way better than mine. I just tell myself these things, because, I’m just missing mom and missing dad. I miss their ridiculous commands which made me feel like I’m a little girl who need to be taken care. That’s my great luck and I didn’t realize soon enough.
When I come back, may be just let them do what they want. They may ask, may teach, may repeat 1 things thousands time, may put more clothes on my body than what I need, may cook, may clean, may do whatever can make them smile. So often in the past, what they like annoyed me so much and I just refused them all. Now… well, it’s wiser to accept somebody to love you by their ways.
If we can’t do something for them, let them do something for us. Recieve others’ gifts as a way to help them and please them. Both sides could be happy in the end and our lifes will be made easier in the end.
Happy Lunar new year and Solar new year, by the way : ))